The other day I was chatting with another mama connecting and sharing the love of motherhood. Sadly my heart was left swollen with disappointment at the end of our conversation. The kind of disappointment that makes you look at the rest of world and see negative patterns created over a long period of time you wish you could switch with just one swoop. You see, this beautiful woman and I were talking about our kids and summer fun. Both of us have two little ones whom we love with all our hearts and would do anything for them. Anything! I know we are not alone in this feeling. That’s how moms are supposed to feel, right!?

Okay, what does this have to do with disappointment, patterns and motherhood? Why the sad heart you are probably asking…Well, our conversation continued into the natural woes of motherhood, because sometimes you just have to vent with those who understand. To let it out so you can jump back in the game bright eyed and bushy-tailed ready for the next snack-time. One of those woes was time.

We shared the chaos of our busy schedules and how time is sometimes not always on our side when you have sweet babes growing up within the blink of an eye. Before you know it, their coos turn into creative stories and laughter and then, poof! they’re adults. The conversation dug in a little deeper and at one point the mama told me she wished she could do things like workout and take care of her health, but it just wasn’t an option. Her and her husband work all the time and any of that time and money spent goes to food on the table and the kiddos.  At first I was inspired at her dedication and love for taking care of her kids. But then I had to ask…because that is what I do…

I asked her what the plan was to change her time struggle?  You might be mad at me for asking her, but in my mind every situation is a means to an end…it is temporary, preparing you for the next (hopefully better, with a little planning!) venture in life. Every being has a plan, a vision of how they want to live their life. Nobody is stuck.

The crazy part is….she told me “nothing”.

Nothing…

She doesn’t have time to do anything else. Putting food on the table is top priority. Her and her husband just have to keep on keeping on.

My heart stopped!

Then my mind flooded with confusion and sadness. My mind flooded with all the women I know personally or have read about that didn’t see “nothing” as an option. They saw their situation as fuel for change. Fuel to create a better life. Their kids were their REASON not their EXCUSE.

I quickly changed the subject, ended our conversation and moved on.

The rest of the day I was restless. This feeling of disappointment swelled my heart because there is this philosophy going around like the plague infecting our society that women are selfish if they take time to take care of themselves. That it is selfish for them to take any time they have away from their kids to work on a bigger goal. A degree…A business…Their Health…A dream vacation. I hear it over and over from women in small talk when they tell me “I just don’t have time for something like that” when we talk about travel, fitness or even a business opportunity. In one way or another I am told they just can’t…

So many women feel like they are at a loss and there isn’t anything they can do about it. It’s selfish if they put themselves first.

Mamas, it is not selfish. It is necessary. Our children model what we do and what we think. I’ll put it into a different perspective. Do you want your son to give up because someone told him he was selfish? Do you want your daughter to give up because it is too difficult? Do you want them to live in mediocrity because they don’t have the time? No, I didn’t think so. The best gift we can give our children is the gift of perseverance, dedication and hope for the future! We only get one body and one shot at life. It is our duty to take care of body like the golden temple it is! It is our duty to live life and share our god given gifts with the world to make it a better place and live our dreams! Give that to your family! Pass on the love and drive for life so we can cure this plague of “selfishness”! The true selfishness is not doing so. Thinking it only affects you. Because it doesn’t. It affects us all!

Doing nothing is a choice not an act of selflessness.

I’m sure if this mama dedicated just a few hours a week to reading, taking a course or some type of growth the possibility of change would reveal itself to her and her husband. What if she skipped her weekly TV show? What if she took 15 minutes out of her day to go for a family walk or do some push ups before bed she would find more energy and confidence flow in her veins. Change doesn’t take one big event…it takes little steps over a period of time. A compound effect.