I have fallen victim to my own stubbornness and have to endure the swelling and frustrating pain of a sesamoid fracture.

6 months ago I started to have a slight pain in the ball of my left foot under my big toe when I taught my Zumba classes. Instead of icing my foot and taking it easy I pushed through. I thought to myself I didn’t have the time or money to deal with it. It would go away on its own. Things are .more than tight at the Kraft Haus and our HSA was doomed to be zapped by this. Ugh, gotta love revelations after the fact

Finally, in December I “gave in” and paused teaching Zumba and did my “best” to wear better shoes. Well, here we are in mid February and I end up at an orthopedic office because the pain became too much.

They took x-rays and escorted me into the bleek white walled room of doom. They pulled up my xray and walked out. Knowing nothing about the foot bones I was sure I had bone spurs all over my foot and was assured I knew what was going on. Then the orthopedist, with his fancy long grey curls and little eyes looking over his Covid mask, came in to inform me that everything looked from the outside normal. That this was a sesamoid fracture and there was nothing to do but “try to keep the weight off of it and put a dancer pad (which he took me through one of the most painful google/amazon searches I have ever witnessed to show me) for walking”

That was it, no advice on swelling, pain or care just keep off it the best you can and put a felt pad under your foot. I reminded him of the pain I felt and how my pain tolerance is no joke….so when I say it hurts, by golly is serious. Meh, what does he care. He just kept sweeping his little grey curl behind his ear and showing me his google search and mistyping “sesamoid”

I hobbled out of the orthopedist office, went home feeling disappointed and still frustrated but ordered my dancer pads anyway. 

Within a few days after, those freaking dancer pads didn’t help. In fact I think they made it worse. I started to walk funny, my ankle floppy around and my knee aching trying to not walk on my foot.  I tried wrapping it but it just burned and kept me up all night. And then it happened, one fateful night, while my knight and shining armor was attending a friendly night of gambling with our neighbors, our little Spiderman crept out of bed in hopes for a snack or a hug or something silly. In my tired frustration I hobbled with him up the stairs and put tucked him back bed. This sweet act of tucking in turned into a disaster when my foot took it upon itself to kick our little dude’s bed in full force. It felt like my foot had literally imploded! BAM! Trying not scream and cry I gritted a “Please, please go to bed” through my teeth all while our son’s tiny stuffed owl tooted and whoo-d at me giving me “owly kisses” to make me feel better”. I thanked his owl for the owl care and hobbled out, quickly shutting the door behind me as the tears swelled and I screamed that voiceless scream wishing I could truly let those screams out.

That was end of dancer pads and the dying belief  it will all be just fine.

I wrapped my foot the best I could and went to bed.

The next few days I went into a regimen of: bucket of ice water on and off for 10 min increments along with Ibuprofen for the swelling. I kept trying to squeeze my foot into my tennis shoes but unsuccessful and dreadfully painful. You that part in Cinderella where the step-sisters cut parts of their foot off to get into the glass slipper…? Kind of like that…OUCH! But I kept walking on it and my franken-foot showed no improvement. ( I know…Duh! Healing takes time, but I needed to keep moving)

This regimen led to going to the Urgent care and getting a second x-ray. Hooray for my HSA depleting before my eyes. They gave me a boot and crutches (finally) telling to STAY OFF my foot vs taking it easy elevating it above my heart as much as possible. I needed to rotate with the ibuprofen and Tylenol consistently. They gave me 5 little oxycodone for  severe pain but I’m going to be honest, it didn’t take away the pain and I went crazy loco hearing “sounds” all night. No thank you, I’ll stick with the Tylenol. My husband has been keeping a serious watch over me and in a saintly way helping me with the kids and around the house.

I have been good for 95% of the time. We may or may not have gone to a Paul Van Dyk concert 1.5 weeks into the crutches but I still kept the boot on and I made sure the swelling and pain was manageable before allowing myself to go. I am still using the crutches for long distances and keeping the walking to a minimum. Ugh, so hard!!! Lol!

I went through two weeks of downright depressive state feeling awful mentally and physically. I felt defeat! I was angry with myself and the world. Luckily, I kept pushing play with my book “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin and read my “Noom” articles that I committed to in January. I may not have made the best choices with my eating and my mental gusto was nilch but I came out of it and kept looking for ways to be grateful and positive. It was and still is hard to stay out of that funk. The anger was addictive and satisfying always filling my need for evidence to be upset. I kept trudging! I found ways to reach out to friends to feel the impacts of another persons joys.

The lessons learned: 

  1. LISTEN TO YOURSELF: We are not meant to feel pain for long periods of time. Taking care of yourself is not selfish it is necessary. I should have pushed for the boot and crutches. I should have taken the time when I was told to do so!
  2. Sesamoid Fractures: Put a boot on it, ice consistently and keep elevated. Getting adjusted and laser treatment helps with the healing and Ibuprofen and Tylenol are your friend. You REALLY do need 4-6 weeks off to get better
  3. Modified workouts: Doing something will boost your mood when you feel down the most. Things like modified/chair yoga, weight lifting and core work can rock in a seated position. 
  4. Feeding Yourself: During times of injury it is CRUCIAL to plan your meals and track your eating. Fuel to feel satiated and fresh. Look up simple fun recipes. Read and or listen to something to keep you in a growing state.  These thoughts will help heal and pull you out of that funk sooner
  5. Humility: Let people help you when you need help! Your pride of saying “no, it’s alright” is annoying and disheartening. You DO need the help and they are there for you!