The last couple of months I have been receiving Xtrac Laser treatments to try to reverse my Vitiligo. If you are not familiar with vitiligo, it is basically an auto-immune condition that causes loss of skin pigment in small to large patches around the body. Michael Jackson had it…hence the change from a black guy to a white guy. The whole treatment process went into affect after I discovered a bald spot on my scalp 6 months after having my second daughter. This hair loss wasn’t your typical post partum type of hair loss experience, it was a large bald spot on the top of my head called Alopecia areata.
I finally went to see a dermatologist who basically sent me home feeling worse about the hair loss and my vitiligo than before. Let’s say she skipped class the day they went over bed side manners…In very few words she told me I had Alopecia areata, and I’m thinking “what is that?”, she didn’t explain what it was or what caused it. Gave me a steroid spray for my scalp…um why am I putting this on my head….didn’t tell me much about it. She then told me my vitiligo was hopeless, there was some kind of laser but it probably wouldn’t work and then walked out. I literally had to stop a random nurse to ask my questions and try to figure out what had just happened. With more questions about the hair loss and my vitiligo, than I had before going into the appointment, I was in tears in the middle of traffic crying my heart out to Adam over the phone feeling like I was at a loss… I thought I had finally accepted my skin pigment differences but losing my hair and then meeting with this lady proved otherwise. Needless to say, it took another couple months before I braved up and visited a different dermatologist recommended to me by my chiropractor. I loved this new dermatologist. She was so understanding, helpful, proactive and made me feel like human being with feelings. After she gave me 6 shots of subtle steroids in my scalp (to kick start the regrowth of my hair) and we talked about the vitiligo. Up to this point I hadn’t experienced an educated conversation about vitiligo, the only doctors who noticed and actually talked to me about it were the girls’ pediatricians. The conversation never led to fixing it or knowing the cause…more so just when did it start and if other relatives had it as well. I remember seeing a dermatologist about it about 5 years ago and the doctor (from Kaiser) knew just as much as I did about it…
This new Dermatologist talked to me about symptoms and causes of the auto immune conditions I was facing. She not only gave me the shots that are the numbers reason why my hair is coming back finally, but she also conducted 
blood tests to make sure I wasn’t anemic or had any issues with my thyroid (apparently one auto-immune condition leads to another, they are like a ripple effect especially when there is stress involved). My older sister has a thyroid issue so it was a possibility for me as well! We talked about Photo therapy treatments for the vitiligo. I thought that was type of treatment the last lady talked about and it is a known treatment for vitiligo but she 1) had a very thick accent and 2) talked so fast I couldn’t keep up. No offense, it was just a bad experience and very disheartening. Come to find out she actually talked to me about the Xtrac laser treatments and not the phototherapy…big difference that affected a few insurance conversations getting coverage. The challenge with this awesome new dermatologist was her office is North of I-70 and I am way on the other side of Denver metro closer to C470….not realistic with kids, work and everything else we do. She recommended I go back to the previous office I started at but with a dermatologist she had worked with before and knew I would receive better care, or in other words some one who cares.
I gave in and went in to see this new dermatologist. Thankfully she was very friendly and helpful in learning about the hair loss treatments and the possibility of re-pigmenting my vitiligo with laser treatments.
Needless to say, I started the Xtrac laser treatments and continued the steroid shots in my scalp. My hair is continuing to grow back, of course it’s coming back white but hair is hair,right!? Though it takes a lot of time, going to two appointments every week, the laser treatments have been going well. I actually have a few spots on my legs that are starting to freckle. The funny part is normally the face and chest pigment first being closest to the heart. The treatments are uncomfortable, they are similar to that of a sun burn but only in concentrated areas. Sometimes they blister too. I have had a few sessions that left me blistered on my armpit or on my lips that were pretty painful and not too pretty. But it is temporary and the pain goes away after a few days. After a while I will start to get a dark ring around the areas “laser-ed” until I am done with the treatments but that is something I am willing to accept if it works. The process is slow but it seems to be working. At this rate it is quite possible to have a lot of my pigment back by swimsuit season…
Here is the part that drives me crazy. Why do I feel the need to fix my skin? Why is being two-toned such a big deal? Being different should be okay, not one person is meant to be like another. We go about our daily lives comparing ourselves to our fellow humans, we stress on our appearance, finances, clothes, age, etc. We make generalizations based on how someone looks or dresses. In our school systems teachers attend trainings based on students of color or “black and brown” students compared to “white” students in how they behave or how they score on ridiculous standardized tests. The goal is to “close the achievement gap” between races…well, not all of my “black and brown” students are struggling just the ones that are in economically low living situations. Plus, what you focus on grows…the more we focus on differences based on skin color the more challenging it is going to be to “close” the gap and create an equitable environment. What about the kids that have mixed racial backgrounds, they’re neither black or brown…what about the kids that are dark but are from the middle east….where do they fit in? Then there are the people like me that are “two-toned”, where do we fall in these categories. We were not meant to fit into cookie cutter identities based on our looks. We become who we are from our experiences, from what we learn as we grow up in this world. Our hearts and our spirits are the key to our identities. We should endure in them.
I have had students ask if they can touch my skin or ask me what is wrong with me at least every other month. Now, I am straight up with them and tell them where I am from and why my skin is so different but it gets a little old. There are so many internal and societal wars all based on the color of people’s skin. Argh! Stop it already. I wonder how many blac
k, brown, white, green people out there get asked if someone can touch their skin? I came across a series of videos from Dermablend that “revealed” people who use their product to cover a variety of skin conditions or markings. The idea of the videos is to promote that a person be comfortable in their skin and not be embarrassed for being different by using their product…but their product covers these variations so how is that being comfortable in your own skin, being yourself and not worrying about what others think when you are covering up that very piece of you that is unique? Then there is the girl on Tyra Banks “Top Model” show that has vitiligo. At first I was excited to see her on the show, but then they “Hollywoodized” her story and made her an insecure and a mean person because of her childhood growing up being different. But if you look further into her story, Chantelle Winnie is actually a pretty amazing woman that loves herself and has overcome so many things that most people do not because of what others say about the color of their skin or what they can and cannot do. What lessons are our youth learning from all the videos, tv, music, etc that are conducive to accepting themselves and their bodies as they are?
Will I continue treatments, probably. Is it fun, not really. But if there is something to be done to reverse my body attacking itself then I will give it a shot. Will it all go away, probably not all of it…but it could be better. I am okay with that. I want my girls to grow up with their mother as a good example of loving herself in all the shapes, colors and sizes she comes in. I am well into that journey and find more and more reasons why I am beautiful inside and on the out! My confidence in myself will override any I will always continue to look for what is out there that will support me and show my girls how to love themselves and their bodies. Besides, vitiligo is genetic thing and if they end up with it then we will stand together in our own beauty. 
